I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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