Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
