And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
