It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
