Do vagina's smell?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
