Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
