Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
