Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
