Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
