I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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