Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
