Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
