I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
did you just send me my own nude
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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