I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
home. puking in laundry basket.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
