It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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