My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
