He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
