YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
