i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry about my life...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
