her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im part way to drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
