is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
