Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
