just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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