Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
