Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
