he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
