I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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