I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
