What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
