Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
