It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
