Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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