I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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