it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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