Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
