In the future we'll all be gay
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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