Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize