What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
