I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
