Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
