The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i will never coherently bang her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
