Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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