god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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