White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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