you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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