You're so nebulous sometimes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize