Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
