Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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