She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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