Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
