god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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