living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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