so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
