my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
