That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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