Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
