I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
