I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
