If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
