My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
