i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
