singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
