Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
