pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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