ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i think i just lost a toe
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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