i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
