it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize