i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
