I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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