judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
