The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
