so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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