if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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