I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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